Is this it forever?
A job you get no satisfaction from, in actual fact you hate it. You work long hours for someone else’s gain. You spend less and less time doing the things you love because it’s what’s accepted by society. Work your way to the top! Work hard, play hard right? Until you spend so much time working hard, you not only don’t have the time to play hard, you don’t have the time to have much of a life at all. Is this it forever? Dead end job because you couldn’t possibly progress that far with something you dislike so much. The pain in your chest grows the closer you get to the front door. This is only going to end badly and neither outcome is worth that!
When I found myself being this miserable, I would come home, take out my laptop and begin writing a business plan to get my dreams together. In the hope that someday I could say ‘Is this forever?’ because to have what I dream of would be so surreal. Until the day came that my creativity was gone, I was too tired to care about my life outside of work. Work, sleep, repeat – not ideal! The hours grew longer. I stopped going to the gym, I stopped wanting to do anything. That to me sounds ridiculous. While everyone though my LinkedIn looked like a promotion, I was dying inside. Literally kept thinking ‘it will get better’, it was never going to get better. I remember hearing a friend had quit their job and I had never been so jealous of somebody else before.
Luckily it did go tits up and I got out – thank fuuccckkk! I began interviewing and started with what I was qualified in, albeit I wanted, and still do, want to delve into the world of Digital Marketing. But the first job I applied for, I only did so because I knew they would call me for an interview. Practice I thought. A tonne of rejected digital marketing roles, and one shambles of an internship interview later, I took the practice interview. (FYI to the shambles internship interview, it’s common courtesy to reject someone when they haven’t gotten a job after they have travelled at short notice to another county to interview with you). They seemed cool, casual and were not too far in age from myself. But the clock was ticking, I wasn’t going to have a job soon. I only had enough money to live in Dublin for 3 more weeks. I kind of needed the money. Everyone kept saying beggars can’t be choosers. I remember speaking with a guy who got his first professional job while in a similar situation to myself. He asked would I have taken that job if I was being choosy, we both said no. Which was obvious afterwards as the damn place mad me miserable.
So taking this practice interview job was me being choosy. The money was better. I could have a full year in my profession. It would look good on my C.V. I actually began to really like my new job. I still do. I got complacent. I forgot about my dream. No more drunk business plan scribblings. I worked 9 to 5. Nobody asked me to do anything extra for them. And when I did they were grateful. I could do my job (this made a big difference to me), although some days I wonder can I do it or do I just pretend I can. Either way, it’s time to utilise the time I have to get my shit together and keep the business plan going, and without the casual cans. #ItsBeenALongWeekTuesday is dead! (that was when I used to drink on Tuesdays because by then the week was already too long and beating the shit out of my soul). With a few drinks, I believe I can take over the world. Without them, I am too afraid to admit that I believe I can take over the world.
Recently, a person who you couldn’t but admire told me he saw me doing great running a little forty-seater cafe kind of place. That was the dream. But since then the dream evolved to incorporate my love of food and more importantly, awell-craftedd cocktail. It’s just a little early to be saying “WATCH THIS SPACE”. So for now, it’s time to turn blank business pages into pages full of forecasts and research. Time to take over the world. Remember, some can take orders, and some can’t. Those who can’t take over the world (or.. work for themselves.. I prefer my version).
To my blog – I am sorry I neglected you.
To my dream – I am sorry I almost turned my back on you.